What goes on in my life....

Day 16...

2007-05-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

So, they're starting to hop around now. They'll probably be leaving the nest, here in a day or two. Unfortunately, I won't be here to see it. I'm flying to Denver tomorrow, so this will probably be my last post on the birds.
When I went in to photograph them today, they were hopping all around, hence the pictures of a few of the birds by themselves. I tried to take a video of them, but it's really dark. However, you can still kind of see them hopping around. The third picture, is one of the birds that was actually trying to get out of the box, but it couldn't get a grip enough to help itself out. Here is the link to the video... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8y7l5qfQzk

Day 15...

2007-05-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Day 14...

2007-05-09T10:11:00.001-07:00

Day 13...

2007-05-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

Day 12...

2007-05-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot has changed. When they are adults, their feathers are a bit iridescent, so that's starting to develop. They sure do grow up quickly. Day 12, and they're almost adult birds.

Day 11...

2007-05-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

Their feathers are starting to come in, and they are really starting to look like real birds.

Day 10...

2007-05-03T08:50:00.000-07:00

They're really starting to grow, although the smell in the nest is just rancid, and I'm wondering, "How can that be good for their little lungs?". Unfortunately, beings that I can't touch them, there's not a whole lot I can do.

Day 9...

2007-05-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

Just mostly they're growing alot. Their bodies are starting to become more adult bird shaped, their heads are becoming a bit more round.

Day 8...

2007-05-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

They're still just as loud as ever. Their eyes have really started to open. Their beaks are getting longer, and it's really kinda stinky in the nest :)

Baby birds...

2007-04-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

So, there are some birds nesting on my balconey, so I'm attempting to take day by day accounts of them. So for your enjoyment, here are some pictures, and some suggested links if you would like to learn more about them. They are called European Starlings...

http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/UW118

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Starling

This is the nesting spot. I put this box out on my porch, after I assembled the guinea pig cage. The hole, is where they have torn away cardboard to create a doorway.

This is the birds, in the nest, on day 7.

6 blue baby eggs, day # -1

Day 1. They hatched at night. Not very vocal, but aware of their surroundings.

Day 2. They're still pretty quiet. I mean after all, they just discovered life outside the egg. :)

Day 3. Peeping just a little bit. Spots where their eyes are supposed to be becoming more visible.

Day 4. Pretty much the same as day 3, not a whole lot of growth.

Day 5. The beaks have grown a bit. The parent birds are visiting the nest frequently, and get scared away by the slightest sound.

Day 6. They have started chirping like crazy everytime the parent birds show up.

Day 7. Chirping has become very shrill and often. Also, their eyes have began to open, and the bone structure for the wings and feathers have started to become more apparent.

I am going to do my best to keep this updated. I have been taking pictures of them everyday to show growth. They should be leaving the nest in about a week and a half. So keep checking back, so you can see their progress.

Office Space...

2006-12-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

So sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I've moved to Monmouth, OR now. Living in a great apartment. My roommate's really cool, we get along great. Still at Safeway, although I'm not too sure how much longer I'm going to do it...really not liking it....at all. For those of you who have seen the movie, "Office Space"...I'm Milton. That might put it in perspective for you.

It snowed here a couple of days, but then died off. I'm hoping it will snow again, but we'll see. Christmas is just around the corner, I got all of my shopping done, I've done tons of baking. I'm gonna be taking some pictures here soon of the apartment, so I'll try to get those up when I do.

Any-hoo...that's pretty much it...I'll post more when I have more to post.

Life is so unfair...

2006-10-15T11:32:00.000-07:00

Right when you think things are going great, life slaps you in the face. Let me just say one thing. Men, are not to be trusted. You think you know someone after dating for 9 months, and then BAM they zing you. Zing you so bad, it stings and hurts to the point where you can't sleep. You thought he loved you when in reality, he didn't. He may say that he still loves you, but love isn't just a feeling, it's a commitment. A commitment you made to eachother. And he broke it, proving that in fact, he didn't really love me in the first place. He broke it by sleeping with some slut.

I hope he hurts as much as I do. I hope that the pain he has caused me is ten times worse for him, in knowing that he has lost me forever. Knowing that the friendship, and the emotional bond that we had has been permanently broken, and can never be mended.

You were right....you did fuck up, and now you can regret it for the rest of your life, because I will never return....

Men...

2006-10-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

Just as a side note, I think everyone should know that...men are dirty...dirty, dirty dogs. You think you're in love with them....and then you find them in bed with another woman. They're not to be trusted, and should never find someone to make them happy.......EVER!

Second day...

2006-08-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday was my second day of work. I was all alone in the bakery for three hours on my second day! Talk about overwhelming. We have to hand out cookies to kids with parents that stop by the bakery, so that kept on interupting my work. And then I had to write "Happy Birthday Insert Name Here" on, like three cakes. That was pretty nerve-racking in itself, mainly because I'm hypoglycemic, and borderline aniemic, so my hands shake real bad. I did ok, until some girl wanted me to write "Happy Birthday Gigi" on an ice cream cake, with skinny lettering. It came out, but i was concentrating oh-so hard.

There was so much stuff to package, and put out. So much to do, and so little time, apparently is a phrase alot of people use there :). I was an hour and 15 min late getting off work, and some tears were shed on my part. But, I know I'll get the hang of it eventually.

The first day....

2006-08-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

So, I had my first day at Safeway today. I came home, my feet hurt and my legs hurt. Although, I do smell like cinnamon and frosting :). I worked 8 hrs today, mostly packaging, and putting out pastries and what not. It was a little overwhelming, especially when they told me that I'm going to be in the bakery by myself on my second day of work. So, tomorrow, I'll be there, all on my lonesome. My worst fear is that someone will ask me a question that I won't know, and there will be no one around to ask me. Anyway, I guess we'll see what happens.

Safeway....

2006-08-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

In other news, for those of you who don't know, I recently got a job at the Safeway in Dallas. I am now a Bakery Sales Clerk. I have two more training classes to go, and then I'll be all set. Now all I need to get together is my uniform. I have to wear a tie. I'm a girl, I'm not supposed to wear a tie. Oh well, maybe it'll be fun. But hey, what would be better than spending all day with donuts, cake, pies, bagels, and assortments of breads? :)

Phantom and Darby getting along...

2006-08-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Lol, Darby's the only one that will play with Phantom, Cali just hisses at him. We think she's jealous, because she's my cat too, but he gets to sleep in my room with me :). Basically, he's getting most of my attention. She's just too cranky most of the time. And, he'll sleep with me right through the night. Most of the time it's on my head :).

These next two were taken right after Phantom polished off some chicken. Chicken was the very first thing he ever ate, aside from his mother's milk. That boy loves his chicken.

My cat is so freakin' cute!!!

2006-08-01T20:58:00.000-07:00

I don't want it to go to his head though... :)

Intuition...

2006-08-01T20:43:00.000-07:00

So, some people might dis-agree (those would be the people who think they know me), but in some ways I'm really intuitive. My fear of confrontation stems partially from this. When I'm talking to a person, from their body language, facial expression, tone of voice, and just any little thing they do, I can usually tell the kind of mood that they're in. So, I'll sense that whatever it was I just said really pissed them off. I hate it when people are mad at me, and so then I'll get this real anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach and it won't go away.

I guess in other words, I can read people pretty well. The unfortunate side of this, is that sometimes I tend to take it a bit out of proportion. Like, I'll sense a feeling from someone and manifest it into this huge thing, when in reality, they couldv'e been irritated with something else.

I dunno, I guess what I'm saying, is that it's so hard sometimes to talk yourself out of an idea thats giving you alot of anxiety. I wish I could just snap my fingers and I would be calm, relaxed, and not worrying about something that isn't even really there.

Age...

2006-07-27T14:39:00.000-07:00

You know, one of the most frustrating things is not being able to get what you want because of your age. No, I'm not saying that I can't buy alchohol because I'm not 21, I'm saying that I can't get a certain job because I'm not 21. Twice now already, during my job hunt, have I been called in for an interview, and then turned down because I'm not twenty one. Honestly, Oregon needs to get the stick out of it's butt and let people be bartenders before they're 21....Colorado seems to be on the ball, what the hell is wrong with Oregon?!

Post Secret...

2006-07-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

I thought that this was one of the most interesting things I've come across in awhile. I actually first found the book and Borders, and then checked it out online, it's really quite interesting to see what some people have submitted...

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/

How does Phantom keep cool?

2006-07-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

...by stealing my water, that's how :)

Life for now...

2006-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, since I hardly ever blog anymore, I doubt aynbody still reads this...although I think Erin does stop by occasionally. Life's been kinda rough lately. I recently decided that I was going to join the military. So, to get things underway, I moved back in with my parents, and am currently working on getting a job.
The only thing that's wrong with this plan, is my boyfriend. I love him so much, and the thought of leaving him is killing me. I was up most of the night last night thinking about him. At this point, to make it easier, I've decided that I'm not even going to think about the military or anything, until after I get a job, and get some things taken care of. I haven't even technically signed up yet. They won't take me, unless I get rid of my tattoo, and I also have some money issues I need to take care of.
So, in the mean time, I'll work towards that goal, and spend as much time as I can with Marcus. Unfortunately, he got an apartment in Salem, and now, with my car out of commission, and the clutch out on his....it's making it really difficult for us to get together. I miss him so much, and it seems that every moment I spend with him makes me fall even more in love with him. But, what is a relationship without trials? I know this is a bit of a cliche to say, but it fits....only time will tell.

Phantom...

2006-06-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

These are all pictures of my new kitten. Isn't he just the absolute cutest?! His name is Phantom. I named him from Phantom of the Opera, because of the markings on his face :)

Early morning randomness...

2006-03-25T02:47:00.000-08:00

Ok....so, it's 2:45 in the morning, and I can't sleep. So, I figure...what better time, than to blog. The big question is.....what to blog about? I could blog about the fact that I'm going to be 20 next month. Marcus (my boyfriend of 2 months as of yesterday) is going to take me to see Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. Apparently, it's a very good production. Atleast, that's what mom said. I'm pretty excited. It's so nice to be with someone who cares so much about me, and I don't have to worry about if he's cheating on me, if he's going to break up with me, or any major drama for that matter. I've never been one for drama.

I'm house sitting for my parents for the next week. It's going to be nice to spend some time with Jackson. We have a menu all made out and everything. We'll probably just hang out and chill. But, it should still be pretty fun. Perhaps, I can talk him into a board game of sort. Possibly Sorry?

Ok, well as short as this one was, I'm sure I'll come up with a better topic later this week. Until then...ciao!

~emily

Loss...

2006-03-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

You know....the closest thing I've ever had die to me, was a couple of fish. The next closest thing to that, is saying goodbye to someone that you know you will never get to be with ever again. In this instance, my someone is my dog Chloe. For reasons, which I won't get into right now, I recently had to give her to an animal shelter. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to to do. After I did, I cried all the way home. That was probably one of the saddest days that I have ever had. It's been about a week or so since it has happened. And, I've heard that saying that time heals the heart...which I can believe. I was doing fine, until tonight when I got an email from a girl on myspace saying that she found my dog. So, by this, it obviously means that Chloe's new owners, were doing a shitty job of taking care of her. The worst part is, is now I'm feeling the pain of losing her all over again....the girl who wrote me, posted a picture of chloe on her myspace page, and the song on her page just happend to be Somewhere Over The Rainbow, by IZ.....and for some reason it just got me....I have been in tears ever since. I can't deal with this anymore...I am going to call the animal shelter tomorrow, and they will not like what they hear. I'm usually a pretty happy person, but this is beyond handling...I"m at my parent's house right now, but out here, I feel so helpless...I need to go home....I'll talk to you guys later...

~emily

This and that...

2006-02-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

Isn't funny, how one article of clothing...well rather a hat, can make you feel completly different. I have this hat. It's definetly a unique hat. You never really ever see people in oregon wearing this specific hat. I could dress just like everyone else, but I add that hat, and BAM! It's a whole new look. And this special hat Ladies and Gentlemen, is a fedora. It tends to make me unique in my own way.

And in other news....recently I have been having these extreme dizzy spells...they're almost constant. So, I went to the doctor the other day, and they did some blood work...you know..this and that. And, what they came up with, was that I have an ear infection. Yay for me! (note sarcasm). So now, I have to wear this little patch thingy behind my ear to help with the dizziness, but so far, all that's happend was more dizzy spells, and extreme cotton mouth. I'm really hoping that these things kick in soon, because other wise, I'll end up like that cartoon in the picture...permanently. It's a consta-dizzy. Nah, I'm just exagrating....but, beacuse of it, I tend to be a bit more irritable. I just want to be better!! Oh well, apparently if the dizziness doesn't stop soon, I need to come in for a follow-up exam. I hate the doctors already, so I'm really hoping this will go away, so that I don't have to go to the doctor's again.

PETA....

2006-02-21T18:16:00.000-08:00

I've never really thought of myself as an animal activist, but recently I've been looking into a group called PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). I've watched some of the videos that they have on their web site, and I was appalled, disgusted, and just plain repulsed at the things I saw. I was aware of animal cruelty, but actually seeing it happen really helped to open my eyes.

In watching these films, I have decided that I won't wear fur of any kind, and I am going to try my best to check the labels on products, and I refuse to use products tested on animals.

You can make your own conclusions about the group, and on how animals are treated. The only thing I ask, is take a 5-10 minutes to check out some of these videos. I'm sure that you, as I was, will be shocked at the way the animals are treated.

Here are three different sites to where you can watch any of these videos...

http://www.convancecruelty.com/
http://www.peta.com/
http://www.kentuckyfriedcruelty.com/anderson-vid.asp

Oh, and I'd also like to apologize for a previous entry....it was awhile ago...last April. I didn't know any better and made fun of KFC protesters. So, to them, I apologize.

Valentine's Day...

2006-02-15T13:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this was the most amazing Valentine's Day I have ever had. To start out, he gave me chocolates and a dozen roses....first box of chocolates I've ever gotten that wasn't from my dad. Then he took me to a really nice restaurant called, Alessandro's...
The food was absolutely delicious. I had chicken, with this roasted red pepper and garlic sauce. There were four courses. First there was the Bruschetti Trio......it had three pieces of bruschetti, one with shrimp and basil on it.....one with roast beef and this special spread, and another with this meat patte (I can't quite remember the name of it). Then we had the salad, and then the main course ( the chicken with red peppers), and then for dessert we had cheesecake. The whole meal was absolutely delicious. I got all dressed up in a beautiful black dress that my sister let me borrow.

However, the highlight of the evening, was not the dinner, surprisingly enough.....it was the present he gave me. It was a white gold, heart shaped, diamond necklace. All week, he had been teasing me that he had buoght me something. I asked him multiple times what it was, and all he told me, was that it was "a thing in a bag". So, we were sitting at the table, waiting for the waiter to come over and take our order, when I asked him...
"So...what's the thing in the bag?" (for the millionth time). He said that I'll get it, but I have to do something first.
I said, "Ok, what do I have to do?".
"You have to take that off", he said as he pointed at my necklace that I was wearing. I squealed a bit, and took the necklace off, and he pulled out a Zales box. I think my stomach did about 1,000 jumps. I was so excited. I opened the box, and there in my hands was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. He took it out for me and put it on my neck. For the rest of the night I was showing it the the waitress and any other chance I had to show someone else.....not to mention I "went to the bathroom", and called my best friend. She was just as excited.

So, basically, any other Valentine's Day date I have.....it's gonna be pretty well impossible to beat this amazing night.

Finally....a car...

2006-01-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

Ok....so, big surprise.....the geo didn't work out....it's a bit of an irritating story, so I won't get into it. However, I did happen to buy a different car. It's a 1990 Nissan Pulsar. The picture on the left isn't my actual car, but that's what it looks like, only white. The other picture isn't my car either....but that's pretty much what it looks like. It has a new motor, a new transmission, new tires, and new brakes. And, I'm only buying it for 500$....AND....I get to do payments. This whole thing is just perfect. I don't think I could find a better car for 500$. Luckily, I know the person I bought it from, so everything works out even better. I finally have transportation...which means I can work more, which means I can make more money, which means I can finally get my own place. I tell you one thing, it will be so nice when I finally have my own space again. Now, don't get me wrong, I love living with Gwen. Her family has been so great to me, and I love hanging out with Gwen all the time, but a person does need their own space.....a place where I can be comfortable to let my dog run free....a place where I can put up my pictures, and paintings, and my bed. Oh well, all in due time...

Yay - Part 2....

2006-01-21T17:08:00.000-08:00

Oh, and this is my new cell phone too.... :)

Ok, so here's the deal...

2006-01-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

WEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! I'm finally getting a car....it's a 1990 geo prism, red, automatic, perfect running condition, awesome interior, mechanically sound, a little wing thing on the back...and it's all mine for, only 400$!! Here's a picture of it.....although imagine it red, with a little swoopy wing thing on the back... Isn't she awesome!? And she's all mine...MINE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

...........*clears throat*.....sorry, i got a little carried away for a second....but anyway.....I'm getting it on Monday, and I finally can quit asking for rides places...it's going to be awesome.

I'm so happy my life is finally coming together....I have a cell phone, I'm getting a car....oh, and I may have found someone to get the pictures off of my memory card for me( don't ask...it's a long story). Oh, and I'm finally getting paid, so I'll have money again. Oh, but on the down side, I'm getting glasses on Tuesday...I have to start wearing glasses again. On the up side, they look really cute on me :).

Yay!

2006-01-19T23:53:00.000-08:00

I finally got a cell phone! It's all pretty and flip phoney :). I just gotta make sure i don't go over on my minutes. I put in all my numbers tonight, and i have 104...that's ridiculous...it's my own fault for moving so much, I met alot of interesting people all over the place :)...good times....good times....

Definition of Happiness...

2006-01-17T19:09:00.000-08:00

Can anyone define happiness? In all seriousness, what is it? How do you view it? So many times have I gone looking for happiness in the wrong places. Money, sex, relationships, people, pets....but really, where have any of those things gotten me? I try so hard to find that one thing that will help me get through life without heart ache, without utter dissapointment. Do you want to know what I honestly think....I honestly think that there isn't that one thing. I mean, have you ever met someone who wasn't having some sort of problem or other going on? It kinda brings you to that question that always gets asked....What is the meaning of life? Everyone has their own answer. For some, it's religion, for others, it's to make other happy...but me...me...I wonder if there really is a meaning. I have gone through alot of things these past few months, and I have done nothing but gane more problems, and hurt. And where has it all gotten me? I'll tell you...it's gotten me standing in an empty parking lot hoping to see someone I know...someone that will help me to forget my problems....to give me a temporary bandaid. In a way, I think that maybe, sadly enough, that the internet is my escape. Here, I can plug in my headphones, tune out anything else in the room, and sink into the world of mega bytes, web pages, and myspace. Anyone who reads this...you may be the kind of person that will tell me, it's ok, and that I'll get through everything I'm going through.....but get through to what. I'm never going to get through it all. More problems will just keep showing up everyday. It's a vicious circle, one which no one can get out of. So, what is the solution....honestly....I don't think there is one. It almost makes me wonder if we're all pawns in this thing we call life.

Man....what a day, what a day....

2006-01-17T17:58:00.000-08:00

Ok....so today has definetly been not the best of days...in fact it's been a pretty shitty day. To start it out, I woke up this morning and started "you know what"....then I missed my doctors appointment. I had two appointments today...a doctors appt at 8:30 am, and then an eye doctor appt at 10:10....well, I got them mixed up, and needless to say, I was very frustrated. So, mom and I decided that we would go back, pick up my nephew, and go to my eye appt. But, then Mary called, and we were informed that Matt(her boyfriend) left with the car seat in his truck, and he didn't have his cell phone with him, and we didn't know where he worked either....oddly enough Mary didn't either. So, mom and I's next idea was to drive down in the vicinity of where we thought he worked so that we could maybe find the truck and get the car seat out....i had a spare key, so it would've been fine...only after driving around for about 45 min we couldn't find it. So, then, my dad called and suggested that we just go buy one. Mom and I went to Target first....too expensive.....then Bi-Mart....no the right size....finally we get to Walmart (keep in mind, it is now 9:30 and it's a 20 min drive from there to the eye doctor) and we find the right kind, right price, everything...then my sister calls us ( and also keep in mind that her and mom had been arguing all that morning....mom was just frustrated...and she had every right to be) and tells us nevermind and to just forget it, she wouldn't go to her class.

So, then mom and I have to rush out to the eye doctor...we made right on time, of course I came running into the doctors office, hair sticking out everywhere, and completely frazzled. The doctor called me into the office....she ran a few tests, and as it turns out, I have astigmatism, and I can't wear contacts any more, because I'm allergic to them. Mom and I went to pick out frames, and when we finally got everything together, the price was more than we thought it would be. We got them anyway. We drove back to Mary's house...a bit more drama happened...then I babysat Mathew all day....only to find out when Matt got home, that he didn't get my cell phone today like he said he would...so now I have to wait until Thursday. And, just now..as I was just finishing up that sentence, my batteries died on my discman ( I was listening to piano music, to help calm me down). Oh, and I had a bunch of drama happen with an ex-boyfriend today too. God!!! What are you trying to teach me??!!!!!

To sum up 2006...

2006-01-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a couple of days since my last blog. As for my last entry...things are better. I mean it's 2006 now....I'm going to try to leave 2005 behind me. It was the most insane year I've ever had. To start it out...I'm going to college, which in itself is a scary thing. Then I met Brian, who little did I know at the time, would be a big insane chapter in my life. He and I dated for about three months or so. I went to Colorado for spring break, had an awesome time there with Erin and Tim, and their friends. It was while I was in Colorado, that Erin and I decided that it would be good for me to move out there, you know...spread my wings...learn a few life lessons....and believe me....there were more than a few. I got back from Spring Break, and had my birthday (I turned 19), and actually it was on my brithday that my parents found out about Brian and I, which normally wouldn't be a bad thing, but Brian had a catch....he was a client on my dad's caseload...smooth move on my part (note the sarcasm). That night, with my dad's help, we packed up my truck and the next morning I left at 5:30 am, and was on my way to Colorado.

So, here I am, on my way to a brand new start. Very optimistic by the way. This could drag on forever if I wrote every experience that I had there....so I'll sum it up....Moved in with my sister...I got a job at Starbucks....moved to a new house.....got a job at a deli....quit my job at starbucks....got a job as a bartender....quit my job at the deli....got in a car accident...moved to a new apartment....kicked out my first roommate....got a new roomate.....decided to move home...moved out of my apartment.....quit my job bartending....and moved back home. Now, keep in mind that I also dated alot of guys while I was out there....made a whole lot of mistakes....oh and I went to my first stadium baseball game. There were alot of firsts there.

It really just kind of surprises me that after being gone for 6 months, the only thing I gained, was alot of life lessons, some debt, and a dog, and I ended up right back where I started, only I'm not living with my parents anymore...I mean I'm still working at Burgerville. But, hopefully, in a couple of months or so I will be moving down to Albany....going to school...and I'll live much closer to my boyfriend :).

A day of tears...

2005-12-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have one of those days, where you're just constantly on the verge of tears, and it's not PMS? I am today. It's one of those times where nothing can cheer you up and any little thing that hits you feels like a ton of bricks. I mean, it's Christmas Eve, and I can't help but mull over the events of the day. I went to work today, and right before I clocked in, I happened to notice a certain person in the restaurant. A person that used to make me happy, but now I loathe with hate from the fiery depths of hell. The last conversation that I had with this person was, ok at first, then I began to tell that person that I had moved on, and he got nasty. He said a few things that hurt. More than any physical pain could. He spoke a sentence that I hoped I would never hear, but I did, and it pierced me right through the heart, like a needle would go through cloth. Basically, it ended with my calling him a sociopathic bastard, and I told him to burn in hell. Now, it didn't come off as harsh as it could have, as the conversation took place online. I hadn't seen him since then, but today, I saw him. You could feel the tension in the air. We both knew what had happened previously and the anger that I felt and the malice that hovered around him. He shot a look at me that had daggers. I've never had anything like this hit me so hard. I think because he was such a big part of my life, and I now look back on it with pain and regret. My only hope, is that some turn of events will make it so I never have to see that monster of a man....man...he is no man...a man does not treat people with so much disregard for they're feelings....a man is actually human. He is a non-human, immature, sociopathic, beyond this earth, bonafide...pardon my french....asshole!

I think that's what really curved my day. Although, I will say, after getting all that out, I do feel a bit better. And, it doesn't help that I miss Isaac like crazy. I miss him so much that my stomach feels like it's all twisted in knots. The only thing that helps it even the slightest, is holding and squeezing the sweater of his that i have. No, it doesn't have his scent on it, but it's the thought that he wore it....he was in it. I can't wait until he comes back. He is going to get the biggest kiss ever! I love the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, just the way I feel when he's around me. I hope this lasts a really long time. But, I don't want to get my hopes up too much, I never really have that great of luck with men. Hopefully, I won't jinx it. :)

I'm spending the holidays with the family tonight. It's nice to be around them, but I feel bad for everything I've put them through. Deep down, I always feels like I don't ever really deserve to hang out with them or have them give me their hospitality. Mainly because of all the crap I put them through. There is no way that I do, or ever will deserve them as a family. There are times when I just want to dissappear from everyone. Just pack up, take Chloe and go to some new state or country. Keep to myself, because it seems to me that no matter how hard I try, I always end up messing up my relationships with people. I think that's why I have a dog. She's stuck with me forever, whether or not she likes it :).

Oh well, life goes on. I know I'll get through every thing, no matter how hard, or hopeless it seems. It'll all be fine. Things will come together, I 'll get an apartment, and a car, and hopefully, someday, I'll get everything together, and I'll have a normal life again.

Holidays....

2005-12-19T16:29:00.000-08:00

So, I went to a Christmas party with Isaac and his parents, it went really well. I'm pretty sure his parents like me really well. His mom and I were just chatting it up about sewing patterns, and food recipes, this and that. We were all relaxing in living room after the party, and his mom and I were talking a mile a minute, and then either Isaac or his dad would chime in whenever they could get a word in edge-wise :). Isaac and his parent's are going to spend Christmas with his aunt, so I won't get to see him until New Years, so until that time, the closest thing I have to him, is the sweater he's letting me borrow while he's gone. I already miss him though.

So, my friend Jesse is coming to visit me from Virgina, only he keeps on switching the flight times on me. It's rather irritating, because I keep on having to switch my work schedule. And that's not good. I need to be readily available for my work. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do about tomorrow. Ah well, it's only 5 oclock, I'll figure something out. I can't wait until Christmas, but more so New Years. It will be the first New Years I spent with a boyfriend.

You know I wonder how many people have actually started checking this since I've started blogging again, I don't blame them for not checking it now, I used to never blog, and then I suddenly do again? I don't expect them to start checking it right away again. I think I might just send out a mass email to people letting them know that I'm writing again.

Work and life...

2005-12-12T22:37:00.000-08:00

I started work today. Where do you ask? Surprisingly enough, it's Burgerville...again. I never seriously thought that I'd be back there again. What I would really like to do is bartend again, however Oregon laws are different, and I can't bartend here. But, for the time being, it works. There are certain employees that don't work there anymore that makes it a bit more easy.

I can't believe how lucky I've gotten to have found some one as great as Isaac. I haven't felt this way about someone in a long, long time. Unfortunately, I don't get to see him all the time. Mainly because, he lives in Albany. However, as his best friend, who happens to be my best friend also, is dating my other best friend, they both just come up here together. Like, they're doing tomorrow. I can't even begin to describe how it feels when I'm around him. Of course, to keep myself from falling hard off of Cloud Nine, I keep on reminding myself, that what I'm feeling right now, could just be infatuation, and the new-ness of the relationship. But, I can say one thing, he has made me happier than any other guy has a in very, very long time. I only hope that it lasts a really long time.

This and That...

2005-12-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I went to go look at the Mercury Topaz, and that idea turned out to be a dud, however, I have a new goal, and that is, my friend John is selling me a 1979 volkswagen beetle for only 500$. I'm pretty excited. Mom and dad are offering to help me fix it up a bit. Which, of course I am very grateful for.

And, in other news...I am no longer single. His name is Isaac Swanson...he's twenty years old, and possibly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Now, if Erin or Mary read this, you guys will probably roll your eyes....and quietly say...I give it two weeks. But, my dears, I am here to prove you wrong. I mean, I can honestly see myself with him a year from now. I've known him for almost two years, and we've always been friends in that time, but recently we've grown to more than that. And, I can honestly say, I love it. Seriously....finally a guy who isn't constantly trying to get into my pants :), which, I might add, is a very rare thing indeed. I think I finally got lucky enough to find one of the very few nice guys in this world :). We're taking it really slow. Which, in my opinion is good. I don't want to mess this relationship up, I'd be an idiot if i did that :). I mean, he makes up for me in places where I lack...like he can deal with confrontation, while I can't. The same goes vice versa....he's kinda shy, while I'm out going.

So, I had dinner at my parent's place tonight. I think I'm slowly starting to get more involved with them again. Which after the huge fiasco (i think that's how you spell it) that we had, is a very good thing. For awhile, I wasn't even really talking to my family. In fact, I avoided them most of the time. Although, they did take care of my puppy for me for a few weeks. Contrary to popular belief, parents really aren't as bad as they seem. Of course when you're living with them, that's a while 'nother story. I'm actually starting to get along really well with my mom too. I mean, we can actually sit down and have a good conversation, whether it be about boys, work, school, or just life in general. I hope Dad and I get to that point some day. I seriously look forward to the day when we can just sit down, and have a conversation, like adults, about how we both are doing. Not a situation, where...you know..."Me authority figure, you always wrong"....no lectures, no stress....just a nice conversation. Ah dreams, aren't they wonderful :)

Blogger Prison...

2005-12-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

Ok, so if there was a blogger prison...I'd be there. Mainly for the crime of...never blogging! Which, of course I take full responsibilty for. Why I haven't been keeping up, I'm not sure.....it's been kinda crazy the last couple of months. But, so much has happened recently.

So, for those of you who don't know, I have moved back to Oregon. I know, I'm a bit surprised too, I thought I'd be in Denver for awhile. But, I missed my friends and family, and just an accumulative of things. Casing point, I'm back, and I'm living with my best friend Gwen. Her and her family have beent he greatest for letting me stay with them. In return, I quite frequently cook. Sometimes dinner, sometimes cake, sometimes cookies...most of the time it's a sugary morsel of some kind :).

Speaking of cooking, another thing that has come up, I'm going to go to Linn-Benton Community College, hopefully next term, and I am going to major in Culinary Arts, with a minor in Business. It hit me the other day. I love cooking, and I very rarely find a person who doesn't like the food I make. I enjoy doing it, and it still falls under the "art" category, so I decided, "Why not go for it?". So, needless to say, I'm going to be a chef.

Let's see...I don't have my truck anymore, for various reasons. But, good news is, is that tomorrow, I'm going to go look at a vehicle, it's a 1986 White Mercury Topaz. A friend of mine, Gerame, has the vehicle, but he never drives it, so he's going to let me buy it from him for $50. The only things wrong with it, are that it needs a new steering belt, and a new horn, other than that it's not a half bad car apparently. But, like I said I'm going to look at it tomorrow, so I guess we'll have to see then.

Oh, and I'm not sure if I told you guys this or not, but I have a dog now. She's a Jack Russel and Autralian Cattle dog mix. She is a bit hyper, and not many people can put up with her, aside from me, but she keeps me company and I enjoy having her. I need to figure out how to put pictures up again, so that youguys can see what she looks like.

I cut my hair. It's really short now. I did have my hair red for awhile, but as of tonight, it is now a dark brown, the closest I've had it to my natural color in awhile :).

As, for now, I'm going to go, and I now have constant internet abilities, so I promise, I will try to post when I have things to say :).

My life...

2005-10-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

Once again, I'm sorry that I haven't updated this. It's just that so much is going on in my life right now, that I don't really have the time. I will tell you this, though....I moved back to Oregon. I know....I didn't think I'd be doing that again, if ever. I went back to visit awhile ago, and i realized how much I missed everybody, so I packed up my stuff, and hi-tailed it back home :). Although, I'm not living with my parents at the moment. I'm actually living witha friend. Things are going ok. I mean, there's always room for improvment. I sometimes think I'm just a pawn in this big crazy world, and God is just moving me around as he pleases. I went to a retreat this weekend. I think it was really good for me to be back in a church setting. The whole trip helped me to come to grip with a kind of peace God gave me. A peace that told me, that everything was going to be ok. And that things will turn out for the better. I just kinda revert back to that whole, "God has a purpose for everything". I know that with everything that happens, every trial and tribulation, that it happens for a reason. Maybe it happend so that I'll learna a lesson. I mean, things happen everyday that help to make you a better person. I know that I learned alot when I was in Colorado. But, I'm not saying that I'm this brilliant person, I know I'm not. Just that, I learned some things, that makes me a bit 'wiser for the wear', if you will. Things that I could not have learned if I had stayed here. I think it was important for me to get away for awhile. For me to discover some things about me. I'm hoping, that through all this, I won't make the same stupid decisions I made before. I want my life to turn out alright. I want to go to school, get a good job, marry a good guy, and have a strong walk with the Lord. And, I think I can do it. With the help of my friends and my church, I know I'll be fine, and that things will work out for the best.

Experiences in Denver...

2005-06-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

I would say that it's been awhile, and I wouldn't be lying, but it still wouldn't reach the extent that it needs to, to explain how long it really has been. It's been about a month. And, I apologize to those of you looked on my site on a regular basis (*cough* *cough* mary *cough*), only to find that I had abandoned it temporarily. But, I am here to say, that I did not forget about you guys, I have just been extremely busy. So much so, that I'm not quite sure, where to begin. So, I must ask myself....where did I leave off? But, instead I think I'll just jump right into it.
There are so many things about the city that is different from good 'ol Falls City, Monmouth, Independence, or even Salem. For one, the homeless people don't actually come up to your vehicle. But, I was never really in the homeless section of Salem that much to really know. Either way, it's something I have never experienced before. There are alot of event that constantly happen here too. The first fair that I went to here, was the People's Fair. There were alot of things going on there. I mainly went there to see a girl named Sheila, perform. The next big thing I went to was the Greek Festival, which I went to, just yesterday. I must say, that it was an experience. I only heard about this festival, because I work at a Greek Restaurant now, but we'll get into that later. They had Greek Food there, Greek dancers, Greek pottery, Greek paintings. Pretty much, you name something greek, it's there. I even bought a greek painting. It's of a lovely fountain in the middle of two buildings. Now, I would show you a picture of it, but at this point, i'm a little technologically impaired. I don't quite have all the resources that I need, right at my finger tips. I also got a bracelet, a necklace, and a ring. All greek, of course.

There was one other festival that I happened to stumble across. Now this festival was something I had never experienced before. Try this on for size...a Gay Pride Festival. That, I must say was....interesting. We'll just leave it at that...interesting. I've met alot of really different people since I've been here, too. But, I'd have to say that one of my most city-ish experiences I've had, was when I rode the 15 (it's a bus). Now, I had to ride the 15, because the alternator went out on my truck, so for a week, I was subjected to the story that is the 15. I only rode the 15 and the 24, because they were the bused that took me straight from my house to work. The 15 is the bus that runs along Colfax Ave. Now Colfax, is the longest street in America, that isn't a highway. It's also the biggest magnet for all the druggies, prostitutes, criminally insane, and just plain odd people in Denver. I think the worst day that I had there, was one of the last days I rode the bus. But, to start it all off, there were two guys dealing weed at the bus stop, and I had to sit there for 15 minutes (keep in mind, it's cold, raining, and I don't have an umbrella) with these guys stnading next to me, haggling with weed, cigarettes, and the money for a bus fair. So, eventually, the bus got there, and the only seats that were open, was next to a guy who looked like he hadn't showered in months, and next to a guy who was talking to himself. To save my sense of smell, I sat next to the guy who was talking to himself. Unfotunately, as the bus started up, I found that the woman who was sitting in front of me kept on looking at me. Then she started singing, hymns. No, I like a good church dong, just as much as the next person. But, then she started going off about, how I need to "Save my soul!" and how, "The world is coming to an end!!". So, in the attempt to escape her ranting and raving I moved up to the front of the bus as soon as I could. Unfortunately, I still could not escape the oddness. There was this old lady with a walker, who happened to be sitting, by where I was standing. And, next thing I knew, she was poking me with her walker, telling me how precious my body was, and was asking me how I kept it so fit. I can tell you one thing, I had never been so happy to get off a bus :). Luckily, my bus experiences, only lasted a week, and soon I was on wheels once again.

Now, this was a very good thing, because soon after that, I started my job at a greek cafe. So, if some of you are asking, "What? Now she has three jobs?", my answer is no. I quit Starbucks, because it was too much to commute to opposite sides of the city for both my jobs. So, to tie up the events in my life to date. I am now working at a greek cafe, my hampster has grown 1/4 inch, my hair is cut, dyed, and hi-lighted, and things are falling right into place. I am still trying to get pictures up, but, like I said, techonology is not on my side at the moment.

So for now, I bid everyone goodbye.

I'm bad...

2005-05-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone...I'm really sorry I haven't been keeping this up-to-date. But, I don't have internet at my new place yet. I promise that as soon as I do, I will keep this thing updated. I have lots of pictures I want to show everyone too. My new room all set up, my tattoo, and my new baby, Henry (he's a hampster). He's the cutest little thing, with his cute little feet, and cute little nose.....awww...is he dust da cutest wittle sing you've eva seen? Sorry, have a Hampster moment :). Well, I'm kinda in a hurry, so I gotta run. But, I will talk to you all soon. I love you all.

2005-05-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

Just a side picture...this is one of my best friends, Keith, and his girlfriend. Just wanted to let you know that I miss you. :)

2005-05-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

That's the closet, and a better view of the dresser. I'm so excited. :)

2005-05-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

This is one corner of my room. That's a built in dresser in the wall! :) And, it has really nice carpet too. If you look out the window, you can see the driveway.

2005-05-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

This is the dining room. That door leads to the kitchen and the downstairs.

2005-05-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

This is the living rooom. It's to your left when you first walk in the door.

I found a place!!!

2005-05-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I finally found a place to live, aside from my sister's. It's really nice. It's a roommate situation. There are 4 of us, including me. I'm paying 275$ a month. That also includes internet. It has a built in dress and a really big closet. The neighborhood is really nice too. I'm totally stoked about the whole thing. I'm probably going to move in next week. I'm so excited :). I'll see if I can find pictures of the room.

2005-05-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

Since there's one of Manny's, I thought it only fair that I put one up of the Starbucks that I work at :).

2005-05-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

This is a picture taken right outside my work on Blake street...I have no idea who those people are :).

The delivery...

2005-05-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I started my job at Manny's about three day ago, and I love it! It's so much fun working there. All of my co-workers are just great. The place is just so relaxed. It's professionl, yet still comfortable. I already had to make a delivery too. But, of course it would have helped if my manager had told me the right place to deliver it :). I had to go deliver this plate of desserts to this office called Opus. Keep in mind that it's raining. So, easy enough, my manager tells me that it's the Opus office right across the street. I go and deliver it with no problem. At least, not until later when the office calls Manny's and asks us when their food is coming. My manager, surprised and embarassed tells me that she sent me to the wrong place. The place where I was supposed to deliver the food was actually about seven blocks away. Two blocks left, two blocks right, and three blocks left. And, when you're in th rain, with a tray of food, in an apron, one can tend to get a little annoyed, especially when that one person gets lost in the building, because she can't find the stupid office (there are alot of offices in that building)!! Still keep in mind that while all this is going on, it's still raining. I finally found the office, and the people are upset that they had to wait so long to get their food. And, in return they give me a pile of dishes from their previous delivery. So, I once again found my way out of the building laidden down with a pile of dishes and trudge back to my work. Needless to say, that by the time I got back I was very wet, and irritated :). But, that's the fun part of working there....you never know what to expect :).

This is some tid-bits about my new job...

2005-05-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

http://www.spicypickle.com/twodelis.html

Not sure how interesting this is, but I thought it was cool :). I start work at Manny's Underground, a week from tomorrow.

My new job...

2005-05-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

So today, I decided to go job hunting for my second job. It's called Manny's underground. I have a friend named Mike, who I met at Erin's rehearsel dinner last summer for her wedding, he was one of the caterers there. Anywho, Mike, and a bunch of his friends, and me all hung out the other night, and Mike and his roommate Shawn mentioned an opening at the deli that shawn works at. There's an opening, because Mike just quit :). So, today, I drove down there (and of course, I got lost on the way there) and Shawn was working. I told him I was there to get an application. He's like, "Well, cool, do you want to meet my manager?" I, of course said, "Sure." From there, the manager, asked me what kind of hours I want to work. I informed her of my other job, and what not. So, she asked me when I could start, and said that I could fill out an application on my first day. And, the cool thing about this job, is that I already know one of my co-workers. Everyone else there seems really nice. And, I don't have to wear a uniform. I'm pretty excited. It'll be nice to finally have something to fill my time with, other than the TV :).

2005-05-02T21:11:00.000-07:00

This was when Erin and I were playing dress up at the mall :)

Getting burned hurts...

2005-04-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

You know, I never realized how much getting burned by a guy can really affect you. You are way more careful around guys. You don't have much patience for them, and they piss you off real easily. I mean, I've even gotten sick of watching those dating shows (i.e. Blind Date, Elimidate, Next, The Fifth Wheel, etc.). The whole experience has made me not trust guys at all. Always wondering if they have an ulterior motive or if they're just being sincere. Answer...they always have an ulterior motive, whether they know it or not. The trick is, identifying that motive, and not playing into it. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

My dad told me to always trust my gut. I have found this advice to be quite helpful. If you have even the slightest inclination that they're just using you, or just that this is a bad situation, don't get into it. I only wish I had known that before. I sure would have saved myself alot of pain, stress, and emotional damage. But, had it not happened now, it would have just happened sooner. I guess it's better to have learned things, then to have not learned them.

So, many times, when a women has been hurt or "burned" by a man, and she says that she wishes it had never happened, I think that deep down she knows that she has learned something. Atleast that's how it is for me. I guess I can't really speak for all women. For me, when something happens, I try to count it as a learning experience, and I try and move on with my life. That's the best you can do. Most learning situations can be painful. Dwelling on them can just make matters worse. Just think, you've learned fromthis situation, which means that you can make sure that it never happens again. For me, that's what I'll do. I'll count it as a learning experience and move on. I'll just be more wary of the men I choose to get emotionally involved with.

You know you're in the city when...

2005-04-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

I was thinking I should start a thing, saying..."You know you're in the city, when...". I figured I could start it with...

1. You know you're in the city, when you're walking down the street, and you see a transvestite, in a hot pink tube-top.

This story comes from, when my sister and I were on our way to the Tattered Covered Book Store (which, I might add is a very cool book store) and there was this woman? Or was it a man? I came to find out afterwards that it was a transvestite. Well, anyway, we were both walking down the street and I spied this person at the end of the street. Naturally, I couldn't help but look. Apparently, I was looking to much, and as we walked by, flipped around and asked me, "What Beeyitch?!". I tried to pretend like I didn't look. Erin and I just walked away, without even looking at her. Needless to say, she/he scared me :).

2. You know you're in the city, when there are people outside of KFC, picketing cruelty to chickens.

Seriously though, Erin and I were on our way home, and outside of KFC, there were probably about 10 people or so all holding signs. "Chickens Scalded Alive" "KFC Kills" "Cruelty To Chickens". Those were only a few of them. They were nice signs though. Printed from the computer on poster board. They may have been picketing cruelty to chickens, but I was surprised there weren't people behind them pciketing the killing of trees to make useless signs. :)

Those are just a few of the interesting encouters I've had since I've been here. I'm not even going to mention the funny smell in the elevator, the complicated parking garages with confusing signs, and the amount of time I actually spend getting lost :). Ah, the joys of living in the city :).

You know...

2005-04-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

My title, "What goes on in my life...". That fits this perfectly. There are so many things going on in my life right now, that are confusing, emotional, and difficult. Mainly, the fact that I moved to a big city to start a completely new life. And also, what I left behind. I left behind my friends, my family, problems, and really big situations. The blow of hearing things from home is softened when your 1330 miles away. But, in a way, I wish some of the things I did, had never happened. I'm excited to start out fresh, but it's scary. There are so many things that could go wrong.
It's odd, because all my life, I've had someone telling me what to do. Mainly, how to live my life, and then scold/yell at me whenever I do something wrong. Sure, they're upset at my mistakes, but they were my mistakes to make. I feel bad, when my wrong deeds affect other people. When they hurt other people. But, after something has happened, it's happene, and there's nothing I can do to change it. The best thing you can do, is deal with is and move on. I'm hoping, that with this new life, I can start fresh, and I can make sure not to make the same mistakes again.

2005-04-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

This is my costume for Erin's "That 70s Party"

2005-04-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

This is another picture of the same outfit

2005-04-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

Erin and I were playing dress up, and I am wearing her "Marie Antoinette" costume :)

5 days...

2005-04-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been here 5 days now, and I think I'm starting to get abit homesick. I don't like not knowing very many people. I'm so used to be able to go see my friends whenever. But, now I have to make new friends, and it's not as easy as it was, when I was in school, because I was meeting new people all the time. I mean, I am working right now, but I've only been working two days. I just wish I could meet some more people, and not just be sitting around all the time. I have explored the city, but there's not many places you can go, unless it's a club of some sort, that you can meet people. The only problem is, is that I have nobody to go with me, because I don't really want to go by myself. That does put me in a dilemma. So, I guess, in the mean time, I will go flip on the cable and watch Funny Girl, for the 10th time :).

Finally here...

2005-04-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally made it. It was the longest road trip I have ever taken (by myself). By the time I got here, I was exhausted. Three days of drive on average, 9 hrs a day, can really get to you :). But, I'm here now, and it's time to start my life. I start work on Friday, and I'm a little nervous. But, I'm just glad that I have a job already. I can't wait to start meeting people. It's kinda odd, not having anyone I can just go see, beings that I just moved here yesterday, and I have yet to really meet anyone. I just want to send a 'hello' ou t to all my friends back home. I miss you all terribly, some more than others, and I promise I'll be back, in a year or two, or three...whatever :). It's so very warm here. Wyoming was very warm. I saw a sign when I got into Colorado. The sign was painted ona rock, and it said, "Wyoming. Colorado's big fat ugly twin sister". I thought it was pretty funny. I'd have to say that Fort Collins was, by far, the warmest. Erin bought a tennis racket today, so I'm going to teach her how to play tennis (I'm not all that good, so we'll see how that goes). All in all, it wasn't too bad of a trip. I had a few noisy neighbors, at the hotel, and gas mileage wasn't too bad. In fact, it was awesome, compared to the $2.55 I pay at home. On average, I'd say that the gas prices here, are about $2.20. I'll try to keep this thing updated, I've been pretty lax on it lately. I love you all. Later :).

Life...

2005-04-06T23:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I have about a week, until my 19th Birthday. I was hanging out with my brother today, and I realized, that only six years ago I was like him. So many things will change for him in the next 5 or 6 years. I look at my life, and I look at the people I've met, the things I've done, the places I've been, all in the last couple of years. There were so many new things that I hadn't tried or done yet, and I did them. Here I am, facing a completly life-changing event. I am moving out on my own. Finally. Now, everything I do affects me more-so than it used to. Things are getting serious--no--things are serious. It's just a little scary, when the smallest events could change your life. This move to Denver is going to be phenomonal (sp?). It's a brand new experience, and challenge that I am ready to take on. Only time will tell which direction my life will take.

My Updates...

2005-04-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, things are moving along just a bit more smoothly...not much, but a bit. It's a little stressful, because there are so many things I need to get done in the next week. I've moved three or four rimes in my life, but never by myself. I still have yet to pack, but I do have all of the boxes I need. I can't remember if i mentioned it before, but I gave my work my two weeks notice, my last official day is April 13th. I will hopefully be out of here by the 15th or 16th. My birthday is April 14th, and my friend Keith is going to let me have my going away/birthday party at his place. Hopefully, if I just survive this next week or so, the freedom that I'm going to feel once I'm out there will be priceless.

I'm sorry!!

2005-03-31T19:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I feel a little bad for not updating this, but I was so busy with vacation..and you know...having fun :), that I just couldn't make myself sit down and write for a bit. So...I apologize, and in the future I will try to keep it more updated :). So, down to business...
Vacation was amazing. It was so nice to be able to get away from everything for awhile. Erin and Tim were awesome...so I'd like to send a shout out to them...Thank you so much, for letting me stay with you, and everything you did and are still doing for me, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
Denver is absolutely huge. The city is amazing. There are so many opportunities for a person out there. And as most of you know, I am moving out there...however, it's been moved up, and I'm actually moving out there in 2 weeks or so. I saw a Bob Dylan concert while I was out there, and it was awesome. So, I also thank Dane for taking me. I had an amazing time...whether or not there was a dancing cowboy dancing in front of us, along with the lady with poofy hair :). Erin, Tim, and I all went to The Red Rocks Ampitheater, it was very big, and very red :). The place was very big, and the fact that Louis Armstrong performed there, was pretty cool. I had my first Thai food experience while I was out there also. Pad Tai is what it was called. Mmm Mmm Mmm :). Then, hmm...let's see...my friend Dane made dinner. They were Cornish Hens, and he introduced me to asparagus, which I might add, is very good :). Then I had a second Cornish Hen experience, when Erin, Tim, Dane, and I all got dressed up and went to a restaurant called, Bistro Vendomi (sp?). It was a very nice restuarant, and the food was absolutely divine. Afterwards we went out to the Cheesecake Factory, whle still being all dressed up. Those were just a few of the main points of my trip. And there were so many more amazing things that happened. But, I would be on here forever, if I wrote them all. So, I will leave you for now. I hope you all had a wonderful Spring Break.

Almost there...

2005-03-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

Ok...so tomorrow is the day I leave for Colorado...only for a week of course...i'm not moving there until the end of the school year. But, today I took a shorter shift at work, so I would have time to buy a few things that i'm going to need, and also to pack. And maybe do a load of laundry. I still have so much to do! I think that my worst fear is that my bags will way too much and they won't let me tak eit on the plane! But, if i packl light and only bring what I need to, I should be fine. Man, I can't wait....It's going to be a blast. Erin said that I might be able to use her computer while I'm out there, so maybe I'll post bits and pieces of the trip, when I can. Fo rnow, I need to finish getting ready for work, and finish making my list of things to bring with me :).

Our puppy...

2005-03-17T08:39:00.000-08:00

You know, the funny thing about our puppy, Joy, is how she runs. She really only uses her front paws. Her back legs, just kind of 'hop' along. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie, Milo and Otis (it's not a veyr well known movie), but there's this song that plays when Otis (the dog) comes charging down the path way. Whenever I see Joy running across the yard, I think of that song..."Here comes the dog, strong and brave...ruff...here comes the dog...". She's so tiny, and when she runs as fast as she can across our rather large yard, her ears that are about half the size of her head, flop all the way around, sometimes turning somewhat inside out. She's so small, but she thinks she's so tough. Our bigger dog will be lying in the middle of the yard, and suddenly she'll jet towards him and try to take him out. He goes easy on her though, he knows she's just playing :).

Odd neighbors, and random street lights...

2005-03-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the same thing happens every night that I drive home. There, are these 4 street lamps that I drive by on my way out of town, and every night, without fail the first one always flickers off when I drive by it, the others however always stay on. It's a little freaky. It kinda reminded me of Harry Potter. Anyone who atleast knows the first Harry Potter book, knows what I'm talking about. The main wizard in that book, Albus Dumbledore, has a little thing, called a "puter-outer". It looks kinda like a lighter. He uses it to click street lights on and off. So, whenever I drive by and see that one lamp flicker off, my thoughts immediatly turn to, maybe there is something secretive that is going on that nobody is supposed to know about :). Another thing that happens every night when I comehome, is what my odd odd neighbors do. No matter what time of the night it is, 1 in the morning, 10 at night, midnight, 2 in the morning, my neighbors always turn on their porch light and peek out their door to see who it is. Always. It freaks me out a little bit. It's almost as though they are spying on me. My neighbors are kinda freaky though, from what I'm told they are a little paranoid that it's the cops or something like that, and if you knew the people who live in my town, you would know why :). I wonder if I should take up an odd habit that I do all the time, kinda like the lampost. Oh wait...I already have that habit, I blog here :).

Happy thoughts...

2005-03-15T13:33:00.000-08:00

It's amazing, what little things can just make your day. In my case, it's a mystery flower. I had a fiction final today, which i got done with, in about 50 minutes or so. So, I'm on my way out, and I run into this guy from my fiction class, who, I might add, was one of those guys that you would catching glancing at you from across the room :). Basically, to make a long story short, he asked for my number, and wants to hang out. That in itself made me pretty happy. But then, I got to my truck, and tucked in the handle was a beautiful flower. It's white, with a bunch of little white flowers the make's a little flower bundle, you know? I don't know who put it there. It could be someone I know, it's could be a secret admirer. Whoever it was, I know atleast that they were thinking of me, and took time out of their day to pick me a flower and tuck it in my door handle. Which, I might add, is one of the reasons I love spring. It's warm, beautiful, and tends to put me in quite a good mood :).

Catching up, and a sunny day...

2005-03-14T17:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess I have been pretty lax in keeping these up to date, but what can I say, I work all weekend, last week was dead week, and this week was finals week...I'm a busy busy girl :). BUt, good news about it all, is that the past few days have been absolutely gorgeous. I was so excited, because tooday, I was able to wear a tank top, shorts and flip flops. And, not only was I able to wear that, but I was also able to do my studying outside. There is this grove kind of thing on campus. It's right between the PE building, the dorms, and Werner University Building(the building that has the bookstore, some lunch places, and alot of the student affairs offices). It's this little field, surrounded by trees, with a statue or two. It's pretty relaxing, and I was doing really well with my studying, right up to the point when some of my friends saw me and decided to start conversation, and anyone that knows me, knows that I am very easily destracted, which, I guess, isn't a very good thing :). But, I did finish my studying. So tomorrow, at noon, I take my second to last final. It's a fiction final. Then on Friday, I take my last final, which is my Economic Geography final. Then the following monday.....MY FLIGHT LEAVES FOR DENVER!!! But, of course, you...I'm not excited at all *cough* yeah right *cough*.....ah well, so I will have my vacation :).

Another "Have you ever"....

2005-03-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a situation that have a hard time understanding? The kind of situation where you see what's happening, but you don't believe it? The kind of situation, where, under normal conditions, you wouldn't have gone anywhere near? But, for some reason or another, you can't help but be in that one situation. It makes life so much more difficult, when you can't even understand your own logic. Where you can't understand the logic of the other people in that same situation. One would think that you would never have gotten your self in it in the first place, but there was something wanting...something...almost intriguing. Any yet....you know that what you want can never be....*sigh* why must life be so difficult?

Have you ever....

2005-03-02T16:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met a person, where you had so much fun hanging out with them, that youwanted to hang out with them over and over again. Some, people would say, it's because you "like" that person, but it's not like that. I just have alot of fun hanging out with this person. Twice in the last week, we've gone out to eat, and he drove me to a completely different town, so I could get y spare key from my mom, when I locked my keys in my truck. Today I drove him around, so he could go pick his car up from the auto shop(he went in to get his brakes fixed), and then Saturday I'm going to go watch him paly Lacrosse. He really wanted me to watch him. But, one of the sweetest things he did today, is when we went out to eat, I had a hambuger, and I had gotten some ketchup on the side of my mouth, so he took a napkin and wiped it off my face. I thought it was cute. Some people might be like..."Ok, that's just wierd". But, I thought it was really cool. We goof around all the time, and although we may be adults, we still act like little kids. I've never watched Lacrosse before, in fact I don't even really know what it is. He said that I'll fall in love with it. He's also got me listening to country music, that and another friend of mine. But, I never listened to country music before, in fact, I hated it...with a passion. But, he's affecting me in some way. I'm not sure which way, but it's not bad. Unfortunately, once I move, I doubt I'll see him at all. Atleast, not for a long time. He told me today, "Man, why do you have to move to Colorado?" He had said before that I can't move to Colorado, because I have to stay here and be his friend :). He just broke up with his girlfriend of two years, and he's trying to get over her. Which I might add, he's doing it quite succesfully.....he threw away every picture he had of her, and isn't answering her phone calls. He said it makes him feel better :). He was going to go on a date with one of my friends, so he was asking dating advice, and we had alot of fun just talking about the whole thing. But, something happened, some mis-communication or something, and they ended up not going out that night. He was actually relieved, because he was so stressed about the date. But, he's only been single for about a month now, so it's understandable. Oh well, I better not read too much into it. I'm leaving soon anyway...for now, I think I'll just enjoy life, and have fun :).

Deer....

2005-03-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Why is it, that deer feel this need to stand in the middle of the road? On my way home tonight, I was driving along on my gravel road, and suddenly, in my head lights...there is this deer. Just standing there staring at me...I inched my truck slowly towards it, and when it seemed like it wasn't going to move...I honked my horn a couple of times. It quickly leaped off the road and over the fence on the other side. This isn't the first time it's happened either. There have been many nights, where there have been deer in my way. I guess it has to do with the fact, that I kinda live out in the country :). And twice today, a black cat crossed my path when I was driving....should I be worried? Oh well, I won't, because I'm not superstitious. :)

Well here it is....

2005-03-01T17:55:00.000-08:00

Both of my sisters finally convinced me to create my own blog. So....prepare to be dazzled by my wit.....be dumbfounded by my logic.....and laugh at me for what I write :). All jokes aside...I love being able to just let go of my thoughts somewhere, and this is the place where I shall do it :). For now, I will put all my previous blogs I had on another website...until at which time....I come up with new ones :).

Memory...

2005-02-26T10:48:00.000-08:00

You know, my dad's memory is one of the few things I have a hard time understanding. Yesterday, I was at work from 12-9. I was gone all day. And so this morning, I get up, and it's about 8:15 (i'm only up this early, because I had and employee meeting), and he's asks me how I am. I replied that I was a little tired and sore. He looked at me and scoffed in a way that said, "What reason do you have to be tired and sore, you only went to school", which by the way isn't all that easy in it's self. Then he asks if I was at school all day yesterday. Now keep in mind, that for the last 2 months I have been working Fri, Sat, and Sun. My schedule has not changed. Everyday of the weekend, I am gone all day, working. And yet, he can never seem to remember that. He doesn't even have to remember the times. He just needs to remember that I work on the weekends. So, I told him..."Nooo, I was at work yesterday, you know, like I have been for the last 2 months". And he's like, "Really? hmm." Now, I understand that as you get older your memory starts to fade, but he's only 46, personally I think it is ridiculous that he cannot remember that I work on the weekends. I go to school during the week (Mon-Thurs) and work Fri-Sun. It's not that difficult. I have HIS work schedule memorized. He doesn't even need to know the times, just the days, atleast. It just gets frustrating, when he gets all skeptical when I've been gone all day. Oh well, I'm moving soon anyway :).

Uselessness...

2005-02-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt like you just wasted the whole day. Just did absolutely nothing constructive. You found out some news that just made you feel like crap. And youlook at your life and think, "Why the hell am I even here...it's not like I'm doing much good." Maybe I need to go acomplish something. I think I will go write some papers. Yeah, homework....that might make me feel better.

For the birds...

2005-02-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, so one of the saddest things happened yesterday. When I was on my way to work, driving along the country road, that I do every day, with my music up, and enjoying the bright sunny morning, I happened to notice a flock of birds on the side of the road. Now, I'm not sure what kind of birds they were. My friend and I have concluded that they were just "bird" birds. So, when I'm driving by them, all of the sudden, they decide to fly away. Not sure why, perhaps they didn't like the patch of grass they were sitting on. Or, maybe the sun was in their eyes. Either way, they decided to leave their roost, and fly directly in front of my truck. They flew around my truck, above my truck, and beside my truck. Unfortunately, one little bird flew astray and smacked right into my right side-view mirror. I think I was more disturbed by the loud "THUNK" that it made when it hit, or perhaps it was the fact that blood was splattered all on my window and on my door. Either way, it was not a great way to start my day. This whole event made me realize what a mistake it is to mix machinery with nature. I am one of those people who owns alot of pets and love animals, so for me to actually kill one is quite disturbing. I drove in shock all the way to my work. And as soon as it happened, I called my mom, crying, and saying, "Mom! I hit a bird!". She replied, rather insensitively for the bird, "Just find a place where you can wash off your truck before you get to work." I think my point in posting this is, in a way, a eulogy, to the poor bird, and to make myself feel a little bit better about the whole situation.

Mondays...

2005-02-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

Mondays are strange days. You would think that Monday, being that it's the first work day of the week, it would be the day where everyone is the crankiest. But, no. I, being the only one who has to go to school this morning, am the only one who wakes up half-heartadly, dreading the 5 hours of straight classes that must be endured on a Monday. However, for the rest of my family, they are all bright and chipper, ready to do with the day whatever they wish. In a way, I think I feel like Garfield. I crawl out of my box, look at my calendar, and then, get bombarded by the unhappy fact of monday. Of course, with me, I usually don't get a pie thrown at my face . But, I'm sure, that by the time I reach 5 o'clock, at the end of my classes, I'm sure I will find a sense of relief in knowing that the hardest events of Monday are over. All that is left are the dishes to wash, left for me by my family's dinner.

School and what not...

2005-02-16T15:03:00.000-08:00

School is an interesting thing. When you're old enough, your parents force you to spend all day with strange kids you've never met. However, Somehow, you make it through Kindergarten, and on to first grade. Things are not as strange, but now you don't get to just play with blocks. You have to learn...*gasp*....letters! Eventually you make it all the way to fifth grade! You're on top of the world. You're finally with the oldest kids in the school. All of the younger kiddies look up to you. Unfortunately, this great reign of power doesn't last all too long. You hit Junior High, and once again, you're down at the bottom of the totem pole. You go through that same cycle again. You hit eigth grade and you are the coolest kid around....until you reach highschool, and you are the lowest of low.....a freshmen. This is sich a monotoneous cycle. The same thing happens, until you hit college. Now, college is a little bit of a different situation. The other students might be in higher grades than you, but some of them have the same classes as you. I myself am in a geography class right now that has freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. It kinda puts you all at the same level. It's not so odd anymore, when an 18 year old is dating a 21 year old. 3 or 4 years, isn't that big of a deal. But, the school work itself is a whole lot harder, than it was in high school. The teachers can be alot more personal. It's just a whole lot different. With growing up, there are so many more responsibilities. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this. But, I think what I'm trying to get across is the fact of how much harder college is. It's not as carefree and party-full, as everyone thinks it is. The social part of college is awesome, I'll admit that, but the educational part of it, takes alot of dedication and concentration, something, that I will openly admit, that I do not have. I think I'm going to really appreciate the year of school that I'm going to take off when I move out to Denver.

Valentines Day...

2005-02-14T14:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, so yesterday I came into work, and one of the guys that I work with came up to me and covered my eyes. He took me back to the break room and removed his hands, and there before me was a large bouquet of a dozen long stem red roses in a vase, organized with babies breath and ferns and all sorts of stuff. I got it from one of my co-workers named Josh. He knew that I had never gotten flowers from a guy before, and he said that he wanted to change that. I was tickled pink.

The day my tire went flat...

2005-02-10T18:48:00.000-08:00

So, today, I was on my way to my PE class, and once parked in the parking lot, I heard a strange hissing coming from my back left tire. So, I went back to check what it was. I had a hole in my tire! My first thought was, "I have a hole in my tire!". Then, I realized....Les Schwab fixes tire. So, with much speed (going 35 in a 20 zone), I raced to the tire shop to have it fixed. I was greeted by a young man whom I had met socially at a friend's party. He agreed to fix my tire at no cost, only if I promised to come there when I get new tires. I was very much relieved. So, then, realizing that my car probably needed a tune up anyway, I went and had the oil changed and some other things done to it, I'm not sure what all they did. :)

My day at the beach...

2005-02-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, so yesterday, I got this impulsive idea, that I wanted to go to the beach. Now, keeping in mind that I absolutely adore the beach. It's been a pretty stressful week, so I decided to go for it. So, I threw my book bag in my truck, filled up the gas tank and headed on my way. My goal was to make it to Lincoln City in about an 1 1/2-2 hours. Now, I'm really directionally challenged, so I made sure that I printed out a map of how to get there before I went. So, here I am driving along, happy as a clam, and about an hour or so into the driving, I come upon an Exit that I thought I was supposed to take. So, I turn on it, but as luck would have it, it was the wrong one! So, I went ahead and followed that road that I was on, until I could find a place to turn around on. As it turns out, I had turned my self around so much, that I had actually found a shortcut to Lincoln City, and got there 15 minutes earlier than expected. Well, the beach was wonderful. I found alot of interesting things, and almost got stung by a jellyfish :). I went to the little stores across the street and bought a new necklace and a keychain, and then went and got a plain bagel to feed the seagulls. As it were, there were people there with 3 loafs of bread to feed the seagulls. They shared their bread with me and taught me how to have the seagulls eat out of my hands. It was so much fun. I think I like the idea of being impulsive. It makes life so much more interesting. And it made me realize how much of the world that I haven't discovered. I can't wait until I move to Colorado!